Now some may read the title and immediately think that is referencing being able tell others no. While that is an important boundary, we will save that for another post. As children, we hear the word no repeatedly and for some it leads to apprehension about asking, because may be interpreted as a rejection. A wise man, also known as my father, often told us that 'The worst they can say is no and no is not the end of the world'. That coupled with the message of my alma mater "Find a way or make one", I've learned that no has a depth to it that we don't always consider. It may mean that the path we seek is not the best one for us, or that there are other resources available, but sometimes we become so tunnel vision by the feeling of rejection, that there is a struggle to pivot and see the options that extend beyond what one had in mind.
This is where I often employ the concept of The Work, developed by Byron Katie, to address negative thought patterns. These 4 questions are often utilized to assist clients in assessing the validity of one's interpretation of events, actions or words. As it relates to the concept of the word no being solely linked to a rejection, we would start with exploring if it is true, or could there be an alternative meaning behind the response. If you hold on to the belief that it is a rejection, what evidence do you have to prove it? Then ask yourself how you respond when you feel or believe that you are being rejected. Now, consider how you might be without this thought. These questions have been pivotal helping clients shift the trajectory of their thoughts and gain a comprehensive view of the circumstances, that no longer leaves them feeling as if the "no" was a personal disregard of their needs.
The word "no" is powerful, in that it teaches resilience. It has the capacity to help us to have a clear and comprehensive viewpoint of life circumstances, rather than being fixated on 1-2 ideas or strategies. It can challenge you to refine your process, or gain knowledge in preparation for the next pitch. Although it may not always be clear in the moment, the "no" may also be the save you didn't realize you needed before investing your time, energy, finances or even your heart into a project.
The next time you have an ask and are apprehensive because there is a fear of rejection, remember unless you have a crystal ball, there is no certainty, but if by chance the answer is "no", that it may be answer you need to help shift your focus and you connect with what or who you need in this season of life.
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