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  • Writer's pictureZahara Rayne

Building Relationships Through Transparency

Updated: Dec 29, 2022

Oh the joys of dating…it can be both exhilarating and challenging. You can either be energized by the newness or frustrated, feeling uncertain and questioning your own choices. Learning the intricacies of another being and determining if that person is a good fit for your needs in this season of your life is no easy task. But here’s the thing. Dating is not just about getting to know the other person, it also requires an awareness of self. There are a few common pitfalls that happen in the dating space:

  • Becoming so enamored by the newness that they neglect to explore essential characteristics

  • Seeing one “sign” that reminds them of a past experience and choosing to disregard the entire relationship, instead of working through their unresolved issues or obtaining clarity about the behavior or thought process

  • Lack of clarity about negotiables vs non-negotiables

  • Allowing “small” things to fester over time

  • Failing to Cultivate Transparency

To be clear, it’s not just those that are newly dating that experience this. It’s also commonplace among those who have longstanding relationships and those that are married. It is in these instances that one common thing that gets neglected, awareness of individual evolution. Have you ever heard the saying ‘Some people grow together and others grow apart’. Well there is some truth to that, but it’s also linked to a failure to be intentional about cultivating the connection and remaining curious about the evolution of one’s partner. Let’s take a brief inventory of your current or past experiences. Have you wondered:

  • Did I miss the signs?

  • What happened to the person I initially fell for?

  • Why is he/she/they responding to me in this way?

Since relationships involve a great degree of emotional and physical intimacy, it’s easy to personalize some of the things that surface. Let me let you in on a little secret…oftentimes (very few things are absolute), it has ZERO to do with who you are or what you did/did not do. Have you cultivated transparency in your relationship to know the intimate thoughts, feelings and experiences of your partner? Do you understand how past experiences influence how both you and your partner show up in the relationship? If not, it’s time to do a little exploring…together Cultivating transparency requires vulnerability. Vulnerability requires a safe space. Creating safe spaces in the relationship requires intention and consistency. Let me let you in on a little secret. If you want to understand your partner’s world and perspective…ASK. Not just a “why did you” or “why didn’t you” question…but be curious, inviting, gentle and non-judgmental. Why can’t they just be upfront you say? Well are you 100% transparent when you go to a job interview? Individuals are often conditioned to present the best versions of themselves. Purchase Cultivating Transparency Card Deck In an ideal world, connections would be easy, but individuals allow unresolved past experiences, social constructs and lack of clarity to ‘muddy the waters’. If you are seeking to make a shift in your dating life or relationship You are looking to gain clarity about your own needs and expectations, in addition to that of your current or potential partner, then Cultivating Transparency is for you. Years of experience in working with individuals and couples has helped to identify common patterns, misconceptions and missed opportunities that often serve as barriers to gaining clarity and ultimately developing and sustaining healthy connections Cultivating Transparency is a must have in order to develop and sustain clarity and connection in your relationship. You will be surprised about what you learn

Perfect for those who are Dating, In New or Established Relationships Get ready to engage in deep, thought provoking conversations. The things you were afraid to or never thought to ask Motto: "Even that which is organic, require cultivation." ~Z. Williams

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